"We are culturally driven lay followers; We rarely are true buddhist practitioner"

Like everyone i feel so fortunate to be born on a heavenly land where buddhism is widely preacticed. When people questions me about my religion i proudly reply and claim that, i am a true daughter of dharma king. And i provide the list of reasons saying i follow the path of Goddess Jetsen Dema, Jampelyang...etc.; I pray everyday for more than half an hour; I offer the butterlamps and tshog on every auspicious days to triple gem wholeheartedly; On that particular day i become vegetarian; i travel to visit holy places to get phisically liberated.

My reasons were enough to make anyone who questions me belive that i am the true practitioner. My way of worshipping and practices goes on with same routines since birth i should say; because the moment i was born, like every parent my mom and dad would also take me to visit holy places and taught me how to pray for all sentient beings. Since i do this, without any hesitations i would always claim myself as the true budhist practitioner because i believed that i had a strong connection with my lord.

Recently, when i read the book The Guru Drinks Bourbon by Khyentse Rimpoche i came across the statement of Dilgo khyentse rimpoche quoted  "Rare as Stars in Daylight --- Mindless children long to learn the strategies of great king. Even though we are not ready to hear them, many of us chase after teaching on the obsolute. Yet having received such teaching, those who actually put them into practice are as rare as stars in daylight".  I suddenly started feeling guilty of claiming myself as the true practitioner. The above statement lead me to note here all my guilt.

Like a mindless children i longed to receive teachings from all most all the great masters and my dream was fulfilled because i received many wisdoms and teachings from many great masters though i wasn't ready to practice it. Upon receiving the teaching i would strictly follow it for few days or a week; but the mind like floating river it has an infinite dreams that keep our samsaric  chores awake that makes it hard to tame our mind. The dharma practice i used to do declines from long prayers to short and a very brief one. Instead of becoming a rare star in daylight i end up being twinkling stars in darkness.

I feel guilty of everything for i end up breaking my own promises to not hurt or harm anyone. I failed to do daily offerings of my prayer and the dharma practices declined consequently. I   am twenty four now, i had received enough wisdom and teachings to climb up the stair towards becoming the true practitioner but when i realize today, i had not yet started because i always wanted to be fit in society and live in my comfort zone.

Though i didn't do any research from anyone of you, i can surely say that many of us are same being standing on the crossroad claiming a highly buddhist practitioner because we pray lot and donate lot with owns capacity. My dear friend besides all that, have you ever questioned your conscience regarding the dharma practice you are doing; Have you ever felt guilty of not practicing wholeheartedly; Have you ever wondered why you cannot follow the rules of taming your mind everyday like you do on auspicious days; Have you ever thought you are doing exactly the same like what our grands do???. Well i recently did lots of thinking and questioned myself and i couldn't accept me as the true practitioner but i can easily agree that i am the loyal follower of my religion which is one of the cultural trait. Unless i become committed and start mindful awareness in dharma practice i shall never claim as a one.

Oct.Realization